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 INFYMUS .COM
© 2006-2008
Michael S. Hoenie
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"RELIGION"
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RELIGION
Total Articles:
6
I am no longer a religious person, but topics I post concerning religion in my life are stored here.
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 | Trusting In The Arm Of The Flesh
Tuesday, Feb 7, 2006, at 07:32 AM
RELIGION -GUID-
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I don't usually sleep in all that much anymore and I find myself getting up earlier as the years roll on. My father in law gets up at 5:30 and goes for a walk. I ask why and he smiles and says that it was a beautiful morning. He walked, smelled the fresh air and communed with nature and his God.
Good enough answer.
I think as I age I will most likely do the same. There is a peace you can gain by being alone with yourself to think and walk. We encapsulate our lives in our homes and our cars, and the outside world is often far away.
When I was a Mormon I walked out into the field by our home. I spent a great deal of time there on my knees before God pleading with him for help and just a hint that he was truly there. Week after week after week I would cry out to him. Before that when I was a teenage Mormon, I would stand out on the top of a small mountain peak, somewhere between 2am and 5am, high in the mountains - Book of Mormon in hand - pleading for God and understanding.
I never heard an answer. Not once. Not a sign, not a vision, not a burning my bosom, no sensations in my heart or my mind - nothing. Not a single answer in all 16 years in Mormonism.
At first I thought that God hated me. I truly believed that I just was not perfect enough to have God in my life. I felt that I was far too much a sinner and a bad person. Mormon doctrine taught me that no matter how hard I tried, I would be an "unprofitable servant". I was taught not to "tempt" God, and I felt foolish and vain for trying Moroni's promise again and again. I remember that Joseph Smith was a servant for the longest time in the D&C and then later on, Jesus called him "Friend". I wanted to be a friend.
Mormons told me that I had already received an answer. I was told to stop trying and to start obeying. If I was not paying my tithing, fulfilling my full duties to Mormonism including attending and callings - then I was not worthy enough to receive an answer. I was told that all of my questions and feelings would be answered in the temple of God. However, the Temple of God only contained strange rituals, hushed tones and complete obedience. No answers could be gained by learning secret handshakes, being assigned a new "name" (what was wrong with my name?), wearing strange clothing and swearing an oath that I would give everything I owned to Mormonism if it asked it. When the Temple ceremonies are finished, the questions are unanswered and a thousand more questions to ask are considered too sacred to speak of.
I always thought that God would start with the simplest path in communication with his children - rather than a long drawn process of payments and hard labor. I found in Mormonism that God forced labor and payments on his children and expected them to love him first before he ever loved them. He was spiteful, hateful and murderous. He was like an abusive parent that would physically abuse you and tell you he loved you at the same time. If you didn't obey you suffered sever consequences. If you did obey, well, it just wasn't good enough, here's some more punishment.
Over the course of time I relied less and less on God and more and more on myself. Mormons call this "the arm of the flesh". As I progressed through the years, I worked hard to understand my depression and understand my life. I wrote thousands of pages in my journals - I sought professional counseling.
I began to realize that I had furthered myself in my career because of my own hard work and determination. I realized that I had changed my life - not God, not Mormonism - I was in charge. I realized that I did not have to acknowledge God for anything.
I wrote my exit letter to Mormonism and started on the path of an agnostic. I began to change. My life became more open. My depression began to lift. I took charge; I began to live my life more fully without having to rely on a God or a Church or a Priesthood or a Holy Ghost. I relied on myself, my own true feelings, my own personal worth.
Over time the fear of retribution from the Mormon God began to fade. My life did not get any harder. I was not struck dumb, I was not struck by lightening, I was not diseased nor maimed nor broken. Slowly I realized the Mormon God had no power, no authority over me - I was truly free. Occasionally I would hear from a Mormon that I could not cheat God and that I would be held accountable at the judgment bar. Even that threat faded with time as I realized these Mormons were still under the Mormon Church's power.
Take back your life from Mormonism. Do not believe the lies they tell you that you cannot be anything without them. Believe in yourself. Trust in the arm of your own flesh and live your life without fear. Be at peace with yourself and with your own mortality.
It can be done - I have done it.
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| | What Inner Demons Haunt Your Soul?
Sunday, Mar 19, 2006, at 05:10 AM
RELIGION -GUID-
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What inner demons haunt your soul?
I say soul, but I do not mean that intangible thing that pious persons claim is created or owned by some kind of deity. I would mean more a window into all things biological that make up the human body and ultimately the brain. Soul could mean a collection of neurons, blood vessels or gray matter that is all incased behind our eyes. Or, perhaps a soul could mean that intangible entity that occupies the same space as our corporal form, yet existing on a different plane of consciousness beyond our own ability to comprehend. Our bodies connected to our souls through a network of physical connections that can be broken in many ways, including a full separation by death.
Perhaps the soul is likened to a deep, circular well that is cast in heavy square stones. The depth goes on so deeply that it twists and stretches downward with each level containing the in-cohesive fragments of our lives, our emotions, our feelings - our sanity, or "insanity" if you prefer. At the bottom we find ourselves a newly formed cell, suddenly alive with male and female genetic material merging together with only our blueprint dictating the direction of our growth. The cellular structure of our brain matter for which we could even comprehend ourselves is only a distant outcome in the complexity of our design.
If there is no soul then the significance of our lives will be erased the moment the body dies. If there is a soul then our entire recorded lives continues or dwells in a place we cannot fathom, although hundreds of religious fanatics would tell you otherwise.
Roy Batty was a synthetic human of who was conceived and grown in a massive bioengineering company. The year was 2019 and these "replicants", as they were called, were used for the most dangerous of jobs - such as space exploration. To ensure that human beings were still the dominant race, these replicants were given a four-year life span. After that their cells would enter a state of necropsies wherein their life functions would simply cease.
Roy Batty, knowing his death was within minutes, stated some of the truest words I remember hearing.
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I've watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tan Hauser Gate.
All those
Moments
Will be lost
In Time.
Like
Tears
In Rain.
Time
To die.
And then he died. Blade Runner, 1982, by Ridley Scott, adapted from the book by Philip K. Dick
All of our "moments" will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
I believe that we as mankind reach deep into ourselves and strive to be remembered for who we are and who we were. Throughout history mankind has remained, rooted in forward history by creating that expression of what they were.
Michelangelo's "David" is a prime example.
It is pure essence of mankind. It lives without hatred, without anger or malice - and yet it lives with pure emotion. Pure emotion to a future generation that cries out, "I existed!" Without souls, mankind yet lacks the ability to exist beyond their own mortal flesh. This I believe - cannot be comprehended by most and therefore religious fervor satisfies the human mind. It creates a barrier between the mind and that place where most humans fear to go. That place is where the flesh and mind accept the fact that they are indeed, mortal. That once the biological breaks down, comprehension ceases to exist. Forever.
If we, as in mankind, can get past our religious intolerance of each other and strive forward together, perhaps we will find a way to preserve ourselves for those who may come looking - when we as a race - are long gone.
The snow continues to fall and the house remains quiet.
The snow continues to fall.
The quiet is short lived. Little footsteps. A tiny giggle.
I hear my family upstairs, newly awakened from their afternoon nap.
I go to join them now.
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| | Rabbit Proof Fence
Wednesday, Mar 29, 2006, at 06:55 AM
RELIGION -GUID-
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Has anyone seen the movie, "Rabbit-Proof Fence"?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0252444/
It's a movie about three young aboriginal children taken from their families and placed with affluent white families in the hopes of breeding the savageness out of them. They ran away and traveled 1200 miles back to their families. Based on a true story. Two of them made it, the other was never heard from again when she was recaptured on the way.
I watched it last nite and it just broke my heart.
I was reminded of the Lamanite placement program instituted by the LDS Corporation. They placed "Lamanites" - mostly Navajo children and placed them in white affluent LDS families in hopes of breeding the "Lamanite" out of them.
Spencer W. Kimball remarked that they were several shades "whiter" than those living on the reservations.
The day of the Lamanites is nigh. For years they have been growing delightsome, and they are now becoming white and delightsome, as they were promised. In this picture of the twenty Lamanite missionaries, fifteen of the twenty were as light as Anglos;...The children in the home placement program in Utah are often lighter than their brothers and sisters in the hogans on the reservation. (Improvement Era, December 1960, p922-923)
Just one more thing you may not have known about this cult.
Imagine having your children taken away from you and placed with Islamic families in the hope of breeding "Christianity" out of them.
From Wikipedia:
The Indian Placement Program, or Indian Student Placement Program was a program of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from 1947 to 1996, where Native American students (upon request by their parents) were voluntarily placed in white Latter-day Saint foster homes during the school year, where they would attend public schools and become assimilated into Mormon culture.
Beginning in the 1970s, however, the Indian Placement Program came under criticism. In 1977, the U.S. government commissioned a study to investigate accusations that the Church was using its influence to push children into joining the program. The commission rejected these accusations, however, finding that the program was largely positive, and enjoyed emphatic support both from Native American parents and white foster parents. However, the program became increasingly controversial. Supporters believed that exposure to white culture was beneficial to Native American children, and that it improved educational and economic opportunities, while critics believed that program undermined the children's Native American identity.
In 1989, George P. Lee, a Navajo member of the First Quorum of the Seventy who had participated in the Indian Placement Program in his youth, was excommunicated soon after he had submitted to the Church a 23-page letter critical of the program. (However, this excommunication may have had more to do with a charge of child molestation, to which he later pleaded guilty.) By the late 1980s, however, the program had been in decline, and in 1996, it was abandoned.
NOTE: The article above was removed from Wiki by Mormon Apologists and replaced with faith promoting material. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamanite
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| | Get Together With My Friend, Bob McCue
Friday, Oct 13, 2006, at 03:30 AM
RELIGION -GUID-
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Last night a gathering of friends (who all happen to be Ex-Mormons) got together at The Bayou in Salt Lake City. I stopped by early at Bob's hotel and took him over. We settled in at about 7:15pm, ordered some beers and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Bob's first beer in Salt Lake City? A Polygamy Porter. Myself? With over 200 beers on tap, I ordered a Bud Light. Next time perhaps I'll be a little more daring.
It was so refreshing to be with a group who understood how I felt as an Ex-Mormon. To shake the hands of so many who all could say, "I know, I understand how you feel." To be with a group whose concern was your well being - not what ward you lived in, if you had gone on a mission or if you were temple worthy.
I think I made some new friends who live locally here and I hope to join them again.
In 2001 I had my name removed from the records of the Mormon Church. I left Mormonism because I could not in good conscience remain a Mormon after over a decade of hard study of Mormon Doctrine. After my re-baptism in July of 1993, I felt as if something was missing - as if something was wrong.
I wrote shortly thereafter;
I have felt ill of late. I've been sick for the last four days. I've also been in a cloud of depression. I haven't been able to feel much of anything the last week since my baptism. It's as if it wasn't meant to be - but I'm not sure about it at all. I find myself thinking that I'm a member - yet sometimes I don't know what that means. Membership? Yes, of course, I'm a member. I just don't understand. I've done everything I've been asked to do and yet I feel - nothing.
For years I studied Mormon Doctrine and in a nutshell, I came to the conclusion that I could not with good conscience follow the Mormon God's plan. In my opinion it was a plan of compulsion - either follow him or be damned. I opted for choice number three: I want out completely. Since there was no other choice - do it or die - I decided I would die. I removed my name from the records of God's Church and walked away in full open rebellion against him. I would rather die than be forced to follow His plan.
I spent several years in depression until January of 2004 when I found Recovery From Mormonism (RFM). As I began reading I came across Bob McCue's material and ended up on Bob's Site. There I poured over his documents and found a psychological and sociological aspect of Mormonism and began to identify behavioral patterns that I myself had been following. I continued to read RFM and Bob's documents and suddenly I realized the Mormon Church was a house of cards - and it began to collapse. I began to see the fraud for which it was. I began to see the lies told to me by Mormon Church leaders. I began to see that Joseph Smith was a far different character than what Church Leaders had told me. I began to unravel those parts of the Mormon Gospel that I was told to shelve - stop trying to figure out - and Pay, Pray and Obey.
I'm grateful for people like Bob McCue (above) who helped me in my journey from out of the depressive, monolithic and abusive organization known as the Mormon Church.
Thank you Bob.
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 | When You Are Miserable Enough - You Will Change
Sunday, Nov 5, 2006, at 05:04 AM
RELIGION -GUID-
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"When you get to a point where you cannot stand being miserable, you will change."
That is what a psychologist told me once. I was in one of many low points in my life - and I was miserable with myself - yet I endured it. However when the misery became so great, I had to change. Generally I erupted in anger, then became remorseful - and then set a new course to try and make things better.
Another psychologist said that the changes I was making in my life were small, but they were enough that I began to make a very large circle. A circle that eventually would become a full circle of healing and understanding. While we live in misery knowing what is better, we live in rough seas.
We often live with ourselves in whatever situation we may be in - even if it is miserable. When we decide that the course we have taken is unproductive - we should make the decision to change our lives and plot a new course. That course is often painful and requires true sacrifice. When we finally make the decision to move forward, we will find in time that our lives will calm - the seas will calm - and we will have a greater perspective.
It is my hope that we can all examine ourselves and plot new courses in our lives that will bring us happiness - and ultimately - peace.
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This weekend I attended two Ex-Mo gatherings. The Ex-Mormon Conference was in town here in Salt Lake City at the Embassy Suites Hotel.
Earlier on Friday 10/12 there was a gathering at an Italian Restaurant downtown SLC. The place was packed with just about 50 people filling the room. It was great to meet so many faces in the Ex-Mo world. We ended up spending nearly four hours in there. I still find it so amazing to walk into a crowd where everybody knows me, and I hardly know so many.
A special moment for me was when "Brian", approached me and said "THANK YOU." He had been reading my Mormon Curtain site for nearly two years and had removed his name from the records earlier this year. This was his first conference.
Later, I picked up Bob McCue at the hotel and we drove down to Thanksgiving Point for dinner. There were only six of us, including Bob, Dianne (CALM), Gary (a former BYU Professor), David (an attorney) and Chris (aka Froggie!). The conversation was uplifting and cordial.
Even though the service was awful, the food was mediocre and they had no alcohol (Thanksgiving Point is owned and operated by a prominent Utah Mormon), the conversation of the group was uplifting.
I'm grateful to meet so many Ex-Mos, especially those who have followed the same path that I am. I don't quite think I'll ever get over the fact of walking into a room of 50+ people and finding that while I know very few, everyone seems to know me (/blush)
It was another prosperous Ex-Mormon Conference. I think next year, I might even speak.
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